was reading  terry's collectibles and found this article he qoute.

"Extracted from http://www.msn.com.my/women/love/article2/default.asp; Are Asian women in danger of becoming TOO demanding ?"
BY JENNIFER TAI, msn.com.my's women's channel columnist

When I was a kid, humility was something drummed into my sister and I as religiously as our multiplication tables.

Because both my parents had to work to sustain our young family, the Tai girls were raised mostly by my father's sister, an aunt who was the second wife of a successful trader. Together, they had a daughter, my cousin Jan, and cousin Jan was the princess of the Tan family, while we played her loyal subjects.

"Don't touch that chocolate, it's Cousin Jan's!" my aunt would always say, slapping our hands away.

"The ais kacang is not for you! You can have Milo instead," a servant girl working for my aunt once told me when she'd asked me to go buy the very dessert from across the street.

Did we feel deprived and treated like second-class relations?

Hardly, recalls my mother.

As kids, we seemed to have accepted that my cousin Jan was the daughter of a rich family, and we were not. This was the reason why things were the way they were.

In fact, if I remember correctly, we lived in reverence of our rich cousin for a long time. She played with us, took care of us even (she is ten years older) and life was good, because there were times that we did get chocolates and ais kacang.

Just not as much as she did, but it was okay, simply because Cousin Jan was older than us, and therefore first in line for all the goodies. Basic respect for your elders philosophy.

"It was a blessing in disguise," my mother told me yesterday.

"It is hard to teach a child humility, but years of living under your cousin's thumb did just that."

Of course, these days, such treatment would be considered child abuse.

With better opportunities in education and our careers out there, I wonder how many women today still consider themselves as genuinely humble.

I myself know only a few. Even I am not so humble these days.

Look around you. Perhaps seven out of ten women today are college-educated and hold a promising career. They may even have equally successful men (or women, whatever your sexual preference might be) as their partners. Speak to them, and they exude sheer confidence and style. No longer are we afraid to speak our minds and to show the world what we're made of. No longer are we bound by tradition to stay in our homes as housewives and mothers. These days, with technology, we can even be both professionals and parents.

We can do it all. We believe we can do it all.

Or can we?

As I sit here browsing letter after letter from the young women who read my column, I cannot help but wonder: Despite the higher education and better career opportunities, a lot of women were still failing in their relationships. Collectively, they seem to be making the same mistakes and lacking the same good sense when it comes to finding, and keeping, the right sort of men, eventually ending up with guys who don't respond to their needs.

Guys who don't seem to be coming up to par emotionally and mentally.

Guys who are leaving or even cheating, because the relationship has become too complicated.

Usually, the conclusion drawn is always that most men 'suck' these days. However, I could not help but wonder if sometimes, these problems occur because we women have lost perspective and possibly, because they have lost some of the important Asian virtues such as humility and integrity, trading them for more modern values such as independence and individualism.

I even wondered if the rising divorce rate had anything to do with women becoming more insistent of their right to a 'better' life (genuine victims of abuse and unfaithful husbands aside), despite not knowing most of the time what this better life entails.

An alarming proposition to be sure, but not without logic.

Are we failing in our relationships because we have become too full of ourselves because of our degrees and careers? Are we asking for too much in our relationships, unable to see the good in our men because we choose to focus on their flaws?

Are we incapable of being humble because we are afraid to be submissive? Have we lost our ability to be genuine (which isn't the same as being totally and brutally honest), opting instead to concentrate on our outsides with our religious facial massages, Atkins dieting and incessant shoe-shopping?

Perhaps it is time to take a step back, to take stock of our expectations and to re-evaluate our value systems because like it or not, the ideas we have about that ideal guy or that ideal marriage affect how we treat the other vital proponent of your relationships: your partner.

Perhaps we should ask if what we have today is already good enough, and to enjoy our chocolates and ais kacang - while we can still have them.

After all, what is the use of getting all the good (and good men) in the world, when you can't appreciate them?


JENNIFER TAI WRITES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND FIRST-TIME MOTHERHOOD ON MSN.COM.MY'S WOMEN'S CHANNEL EVERY WEEK. SHE WELCOMES MAILS AT JENN@JENNEMEDE.COM AND DISCUSSIONS AT MSN.COM.MY'S WOMEN COMMUNITY BOARDS.