sometime it pays to know some religion culture. i was talking to one malay lady. and after the nice conversation, i proposed a handshake as i enjoyed the conversation with her and a gesture of courtesy. she quickly hid her hands behind her back.

malay lady: " i am a muslim.... i can't..."

xiaoqiang, embarassed : " so sorry... really sorry."

i'm sorry, my fellow malay comrades. it really slipped off my mind. it's not that i disrespect Islam. i'm sorry if it caused any inconvenience to you. but since the girls at Afghanistan or arab countries are shaking off the unfairness there, should we in singapore be opened about it? hmmmm...

got this email below from my colleague. it sounds corny as it interprets the few characteristics of a singaporean. Kia su( scare to lose), kia si(scare to die), kia gui( scare of ghosts), etc. what is so different about a singaporean and a caucasian? bla bla bla...i bet this is the last thing that QB HOuse would want to happen. a bunch of idiots looking for free cuts.




One day, a German Florist came to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he paid the Barber and the Barber replied: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service". The Florist was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to his shop, he found a Thank You card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.


A British Baker came for a haircut and he wanted to pay the Barber and the Barber gave the same reply. The Baker was happy and left the shop. The next morning the Barber received a Thank You card and a dozen donuts.


A Singaporean went for a haircut and he wanted to pay the Barber and he gave him the same reply. The Singaporean was, of course, very happy and left the shop. The next morning the Barber was surprised to see......
A dozen Singaporeans waiting for a haircut.

: my new Personal Organiser craze :

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a really, really late weekly post ( my apology ) of Mr Brown - Youth, SMS your views to the Govt .


You might get invited to tea with Cabinet ministers

A concerned student complained recently that Arts stream students from Junior Colleges were finding it hard to get into the Faculty of the Arts and Social Sciences at the National University of Singapore (NUS) because Science stream students were depriving them of their places.

I am shocked and appalled. You mean that students actually have to compete to get into University? What next? Science stream students stealing Arts stream jobs from Arts stream students? The horror. Personally, I think the Science stream students are applying to the Arts faculty in NUS because it is said to have the better canteen and better-looking chicks and dudes.

I say these Arts students take their revenge by applying to the Science faculties in NUS to deprive the Science stream students of their places there. You JC students who did A-level History should just grab all the places at the Physics department. Two can play this game.

Young people should speak up and make themselves heard. Even the Government wants to hear from you.

I read with great joy that the Government wants to solicit views and ideas from young people, by all means possible, even via SMS and email. I am happy because "young people" was defined as anyone born after 1965. And all this while, I thought I was an old fart. I feel a renewed sense of youth. I am young again because the Government says so.

I hope they employed some specially trained people to take down the feedback of the youth though. Have you ever read SMS sent by young people? You need English subtitles to understand it, if you are middle-aged and above. My parents, especially when they first started using SMS, would use full sentences and spell everything correctly (and even start the SMS with "Dear son", like it was a letter). Not so our young SMS speed demons.

I can imagine some civil servant looking at some youth feedback and asking what on earth is:

"doom3 roxors! we aL shud plA doom3 cuz we R l33t! doom3 4 prez!"

Loosely translated, it says "Doom3 rocks! we all should play Doom3 because we are elite! Doom3 for president!"

Doom3 is a very popular computer game which has very little to do with politics. But hey, you did ask for feedback and opinions. I think SMS may also present some problems if you have a 4,000-word tome to submit; the 160-character limit of SMS may not be enough. Like this example:

"My name is See Kiao Kiao, aged 39, IC No 1234567A, living at 501 Bukit Brown. I feel that we should allow more kinds of chewing gum and we should un-ban Playboy." (If you don't believe me, the above example is really 160 characters.)

Who knows, if you give the right feedback and display some potential, that SMS to the Government may net you an invite to join a party, a "tea dance" with Cabinet ministers. Oh wait, that's "tea sessions" with Cabinet ministers. These are like, part of the recruitment process (but it is not called that) for the ruling party, where you go through a series of interviews to be evaluated for political potential. It's like Singapore Idol for future ministers, but without the song and dance.

You go through several rounds of this, and if you are shortlisted, each session will get more and more rigorous, and will be conducted by more and more senior officials and ministers.

Sort of like winning the levels in a game like Doom3, with each level getting harder, and you having to face "Level Bosses" which become more and more difficult. So Doom3 is like politics after all. Not every Tom, Dick or Harry gets invited to these tea sessions, of course. Many are high-flying lawyers and doctors, at the top of their game.

I don't think any professional Doom3 gamer has been asked to attend yet, but this is difficult to say.

I also hear the interviews can get really tough (and you may have to use some of your special power-ups and best weapons to go through the level). Some of the questions asked at these interviews by senior dudes can be "intensely personal" or "invigoratingly intellectual". Now I am not sure what these hard questions are, or whether there is an assessment book you can complete to prepare for them, should you be invited. Here are some of my guesses:

Intensely Personal questions:

• Do you like to pose for artistic nude photos?

• What are your feelings about wearing white clothes all the time?

• If our best hope for an Olympic medal does not make it, are you man enough to cry and feel for him?

• Have you ever used your creativity to engage in idle pursuits, like mangling National songs?

• Do you want milk with that tea?

Invigoratingly Intelligent questions:

• Who wrote Shakespeare's plays?

• Who will win in a fight? Alien or Predator?

• What is the best video card to use to get the highest quality graphics at a decent frame rate in Doom3?

• Which is faster, a car going 50kmh or a motorbike going 50kmh?

• What is the Matrix?

Success at these political tea sessions will bring great rewards. Like lunch. And if that does not motivate you, you are not a True Singaporean. If you ever get to go, just remember to relax, express your honest views, and be yourself. Unless being yourself means wearing a banana mask and singing very badly.

And if you get really meek and tongue-tied at these sessions, you can try SMS-ing your views to the ministers on the spot. You better have fast thumbs though.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He thinks making the elections into a reality show will be one way to reach out to the young people.