love = infatuation ? [part 3/3]

xiaoqiang says: This is part 3 of the story for love = infatuation? . last part of love = infatuation ? .
If someone who comes into your life, who is already a part of someone else; don't cry and ignore that person totally. Learning to talk with the person again takes a ton weigh heart to do. But if you can't the face the person directly, that means you are running away from the problem which will lead you deeper into the well of grief. Love is to be able to give and don't expect returns... Just be glad that your paths crossed and somehow he/ she made you know the meaning of love so that you are able to love the other person when he/ she comes along in the future.

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singapore true love stories - love = infatuation ? [part 3/3]

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..continue from the post on 16 Feb 2004

Into each life some rain must fall.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It wasn’t only rain, which fell over me in the month of December. After all that had happened between H and myself, it was not the end. December was a period of thunderstorm and turmoil for me.

First, I was so overwhelmed with guilt of what happened between H and myself that I confessed to my semi-ex boyfriend, he was really upset and probably thinks I’m the biggest disappointment ever. It was a tearful break-up not because I love him but because I have lost someone who I have been leaning on as a source of strength all the four and a half years. Secondly, my parents were not helping by giving me more stress over other stuffs and they have no idea how much stress I was going through.

Thus, 2003 December was a disaster. I have lost in the fight to attain my first love, I lost my pillar of strength of four and a half years and I have a total lack of love from my family. For the first time in my life, I felt so empty and lonely, thrown into the sinister world. I almost wanted to end my life right than. But thank goodness, I found someone who loves me unconditionally and He picked me up at the lowest point of my life. Its than I found God, the one who fill me with peace and love.

But, things were not rosy and nice despite the New Year. H is still around and he had been continuously making use of my feelings to get what he wants. I am getting the hot and the cold treatment from him and I am so blind to just allow him to manipulate me in this manner. How much I am hurting and crying inside, no one will ever know. I’ve cried till my tears have just dried up and I could no longer cry. But, instead how my heart bleed and shatter each time he does or says something that hurts me. Blame myself for using my heart and not my brains to think, I have allowed him to hurt me over and over again. Till recently, I just couldn’t take the hurt anymore. He had hurt me to the point that I felt that my heart is turning numb and cold. So hurt was I that frustrations and thoughts of revenge started to fill me. Where has all the warmth I had always gone to?

Then one day God told me that if He can forgive me for my sins and love me for who I am as long as I can humble myself to have faith in him and confess my sins, than I should be able to forgive those who sinned. I am not to judge and He will do the judgement and I shall not hate instead give grace and blessings. I realised the importance of His words to me, as this is the only way I can find peace with myself to forgive myself, learn from my mistakes and move on.

Time will erase all hurt and heal all wounds. In time to come I will get over H. But, I will never forget him. He will always remain as someone special in my heart. No matter how much he has done to hurt me, I know that he is still my first Love and he taught me to feel how great it is to be able to give love. Although, as a friend he had breached my trust, I have realised the wonderful friends whom had supported me through the hardest point. Most thankful am I to him for bringing God into my life. On the last note, I have done my best in this battle and since things cannot change than the only thing I can do is to let him go, give him blessings and pray hard for his happiness.

“ Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
-- Erica Jong


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning


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