xiaoqiang's words: " Another story from a friend of mine. how often that you had something to tell someone but you didn't. What is the moment or circumstances that refrain you from doing so? Is it the stangers' stare or your loved one's eyes? or is it the wonderful memories both of you weave together? or the words get in the way? What does it takes to confess something? Courage? Responsibility?
love?

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singapore true love story - this was something I always want to tell you.... [part 1 out of 2]

also playing Gloria Estefan - Words Get In The Way

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we met 4 years ago in our workplace. I was waiting for my O level results. I did not bear any good impression at all, cos you were too playful, and irritating... and my impression of you was as a lame joker and how much I hate you to get out of my sight. Nov 2000, we started off as colleagues... We often had lunch with Vin and Ling and how often you would disturb Ling with ur lame joke. To Vin and me, you and Ling would become a couple but seems that we were wrong.

I remembered the first day I started a 'serious' chat wif you. I broke off with my bf and you came consoling me then. I remembered that was the first time I saw the 'decent' side of you. the way you talked to me. how convincing indeed. Soon we started to be the best pal at work, had lunch together, and times when you would gave me a treat during break time for my hard work etc....

Jan 2001, you dated me out on my birthday and it was the first time ever I saw the smart side of you. the way you dress and presented yourself impressed me a lot. and was so unlike the one I knew during work. We had a fun time with Vin and your buddies and since then we would chat on phone for number of hours. We would talk about our past in school or in relationship and I remember you told me that you had not been with any girlfriends before.

Feb 2001, Valentine's day is the second time you dated me out. We were with Yao and his gf, Sin; they were always the problematic couple in your circle of friends but they were great people, not only friendly but mature too. they always had arguments even with our presence. I remembered we took a walk in Centrepoint and Yao and Sin went somewhere else. we entered a toy shop and I had told you how cute the soft toys were. and you looking at me, asking me if we could be just more than the best pals. I was shocked but nervous too. I knew the answer straight in my heart. "Yes" was what I wanted to tell you but I was playful. i wanted to disturb you so I replied,

"try giving me half an hour more, I will give you my answer then"

And you didn't get my hint at all and not even attentive enough to catch my goofy grin. I supposed that half an hour was hard for you and I could see how tensed up you were, just waiting for my answer.

Half an hour went passed, I pretended that I had forgotten what you had asked me. I was waiting for your second approach at the same time you were waiting for mine. I remembered how much fun I had teasing you but you were so distracted that you couldn't noticed the grin showing on my face. But then, I knew you couldn't wait any more. the second approach you took and asked me,

" so what's the answer?"

I hesitated. I knew you were hoping for the best 'cos you were not confident enough and finally I smiled,

"What answer do you expect me to give you?"

This question shocked you and I knew that you thought it would be a gone case but then before you got over this I gave you another 'blow' ,

"dear~?"

This is what I started to call you, you had both your eyes opened wide and big and did not know what to do. no expression on your face next but then you were shy too and still even made me had a laugh when you asked me if you could have my hand, and how much I wanted to tease you again when I felt the sweat on ur hand. We became an item and Yao and Sin were so happy for you that you 'caught' me and how they congratulated us as if we were married, we could talk all the time, going out with friends or went clubbing and we would tell each other how much we felt that we were the most happiest couple in the world.

for the first time in my life, I was so sure that you would be the one. I was only 16 at then but I knew exactly what I wished to pursue. no one else had brought the happiness and the way you make me feel.. there's no need for us to go restaurants for a romantic dinner. I was contented enough having you cooking one bowl of instant noodles for me. those were the happiest days you brought into my life and I loved you so much.

So happy we were then.

But I think.... I guess... I had too much happiness.

Things started falling apart or perhaps you were tired of me. suddenly what we used to be contented with was not enough for you anymore. from the top of heaven I fell straight into ultimate depths of hell, you no longer loved me. Si is your classmate. not only she's sexy but she's capable of flings. she took you as her target. you did not resist and you couldn't... you fell into her hands.Since then, you often rejected going out with me and would "save" your time and told me that you are going her place to teach her work. I was confused I did not know how to take it but still i trusted you cos I love you too much. I couldn't make myself suspicious of you. Often when you were back from her place. you were so happy and seems to enjoy a lot at her place. From your buddies that include Vin and Yao, they knew the existence of Si and even warned me about her.

I wanted to confront you but I couldn't. the moment I saw your smile, it made me unbearable to confront you and be suspicious of what you were doing. the moment when you started to tell me "I love you" that even made my heart grew weaker. We were not as happy when we went clubbing since Si's appearance. you would choose to dance with her instead of me. and me? I would dance among with your buddies and other guys in the club. I thought that might frustrate you but it didn't work. To get your attention, I would get myself drunk and sitting along by the riverside of Boat Quay. sometimes I really wanted to have a jump down into river. perhaps by then I would be able to leave a place in your heart forever. I didn't. I can't bear to leave my parents alone........

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