xiaoqiang's words: " which hurt more? Betrayal or Deceive? When we say it's all for him/ her, is it really that all for him/ her? Do we really mean our words? sometimes, the other party just won't see it. the question" why he/she just can't sense it?" will revolves in the head. Prolong contradictions in the head will lead to more questions. Instead of finding all answers to one thousand and one questions, we can take the questions one at the time. Just like the time we took our exams papers. question 1(a), then 1(b) and so on. this way, our life will probably be alot easier. Last but not least, this friend of mine is back to Canada. i wished her with my warmest blessing in her studies and her predestined one. in fact i'm quite envy of her. At least she found LOVE. Have you ?"


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singapore true love story - this was something I always want to tell you.... [part 2 out of 2]


also playing Lighthouse Family - We are gonna be


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Until Si went home. then you would come back to me and gave me a real warm hug. I knew it's not real. you were just consoling me. i chose to deceive myself and tolerated what you had been doing. I did not know how long can I hold on but I tried my best as i could. And soon Si was tired of you. she left you and targetted on others. And I was glad cos I knew you had come back to me again. I did not mind at all what you had done to Si but at least you came back. Then I got a call from Si. it's such a surprise that she asked me out and she said to have a talk with me. I went and met her in Boat Quay; and we had a drink. She came asking me How much I love you and I told her I love you very much. I knew your relationship with her, that's what I told her. this is what Si replied,

"Leave him, he's not worthy of your love, you are a good girl. there are much more better guys than him."

I did not take her words although I knew what she said is right. I wanted no one else except you but you did not know. Vin ever came approaching me umpteen times to leave you to be with him but I rejected straight in his face and even scolded him for being an betrayal of your friendship with him. finally Vin then realised that nothing can change my love for you.

"Lighthouse Family - We are gonna be", that's what you always sang to me. I love the way you sing to me. Even after Si's disappearance relationship between you and me didn't turn out well. you found out that I went out with Si and was angry about what she told me and you even reprimanded me for believing in her words even I told you I didn't. And all I always told you is "I just wish to have your love." You didn't take my words yet continuing to hurt despite all the trust I had given to you and all the forgiveness and tolerance I had bear it because of you. I always thought sunshine will once shine on us again after what happened. Who knows since then I found myself going even deeper. I went to Boat Quay almost every night not with you but with Yao and Sin, where Sin was working in the pub we always go.

Apart from my own cycle of friends she was the only one that could understand what I'm going through. I knew she hurts a lot when she saw me drinking alot and crying along the riverside when i got myself drunk. I'm so sorry that i couldn't make her concentrate on her work. that's the only place I could go. the only place where I could frustrate all my depression and the DJ would always got the song I like.

You knew I went there but u didn't care less. You assume that your buddies would take good care of me when you were not around. things between you and went far down the track and once again you betrayed me. Mel, a girl from another poly. you contacted with her when you went clubbing. another wild animal, your kind of girl to fling on and I hated her voice when she voicemailed you. I could even called her up and give her a f**kin scolding but I didn't. I respected you. I remembered you told me once. you are a scorpio. that how wild you are. you were pissed off with me for "betraying" you just because I went out with Si but you didn't even give me a chance to explain. even I did, i don't think you take it either.

You described yourself as a horse. There are you wanted to run freely on the grassland and there are times when you wanted to be in the stable. If I let you off freely, you go wild but I can't hold you on too tight 'cos the rope to you will snap. But all I have done is all for you. I don't wish to disrupt your circle of friends and entertainment and you blamed me for not 'handling' you properly. Time really gave me a torture and everyday I seemed to lead a lifeless life. How I pinned for a call from you every day and night and how much I wish to have your hug when I saw you. I started to get depression, alcohol is no longer a 'solution' for me not only mentally tortured myself but also physically I would do so.

There were times I would start out crying with no reasons. times when I talked to myself and would frustrate all my anger on my hand. I did not know why I did that... but there's no way i could help it. There's a time when I fainted after arguing with you. My family had a dispute that day and i had thought of calling you to tell you how sad I was. i never expected you actually f**k me off and hung up my call. I cried and I fainted. my parents brought me to the clinic and the doctor was so shocked that and saw the wounds on my hand and even warned me that I might die of hypertension if I can't control my emotions correctly. Still you didn't care. I was in total devastation. I knew I should bear no hope in our relationship. at least I'm glad that you finally did this to lessen my pain.

You started to hide your mobile from me. I knew something was wrong but yet you were still careless and let me get hold of your handphone. I saw Mel's messages and yes I got suspicious this time but I remained silent. Finally, you showed your true colours to me. As usual, you went to Mel's house and from your buddies, they had tried calling you and you were asleep in Mel's house. I tried to calm myself down. I bet you regretted for giving me your email password and I got thru your mail and saw your cousin, Bel's email on how you planned to deceive me and betrayed me, how you were going to two-timer Mel and me. i'm sad for Mel cos she doesn't even know my existence 'cos you had told her you were single

I called you and asked you where you were. You sound sleepy and I heard Mel's voice too. You shouted very loudly and even scolded me to "mind your own business".. You made me given up all hope and I finally decide to leave you for good. Do you remember how you tried to hold me back with all your tears? Boy, it's too late 'cos you have made my love for you turned into hatred. all i want to say now is thank you for letting me feel what it means to love. not every story would have a happy ending

I would never forget this relationship. i occassionally get into a daze, thinking about the happier times we had together. i'd never be able to feel this way about anyone else. i cannot explain why after all the hurt and pain you've caused me..

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